


Faculty Lunch

by DovahGeneral



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Humor, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:22:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25083823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DovahGeneral/pseuds/DovahGeneral
Summary: Meetings with the heads of the commune usually were interesting affairs to say the very least, but Seteth prided in himself that he could keep the peace.But Byleth had been hired months ago and Seteth didn't know what was going to crumble first: the monastery or himself.
Kudos: 17





	Faculty Lunch

**Author's Note:**

> Date Conceived: 4 July 2020  
> Date Written: 4 July 2020  
> 

“Greetings, Professor! Nothing to report!”

Byleth gave a nod as the guard went on with his daily ramblings, this now becoming but a normal affair for the newly appointed professor as much as depopulating the nearby pound or eating Seteth out of house and home three times a day.

Sothis simply rolled her eyes at the sight, though a small smile remained in place as with all of the oddities that have been occurring in recent memory these moments with the gatekeeper were among the most jovial. After the man gave his final statement, the two began to move towards the mess hall, though Byleth stopped much to the others’ surprise.

“You want to come with?” they asked, catching the gatekeeper off-guard. “The rest of the staff agreed on having a meeting during lunch. You can come with if you feel like it.”

“Oh, um…” he sputtered, looking at their daily conversationalist with some hesitance before giving a smile of agreement. Sothis snorted at the display, though Byleth shrugged it off as they led the way toward the dining hall.

“You trying to wed the man?” taunted the floating girl, her tone though mocking still possessing a hint of legitimate curiosity. Byleth looked at her confused, and Sothis simply wandered forward with amused grin the entire way.

Upon entering the room they found a handful of the students remaining, and at the table nearest to the kitchen had most of the staff barring Jeralt and Tomas who were out, and Shamir who was to arrive later in the hour. Even Jeritza sat among them eating some sort of shaved ice dish, something which Byleth looked at for far too long as some began to stare.

“You’re allowed to join us you know,” Manuela smirked, her own meal already upon the table. “Oh, we seem to have a guest. The… the gatekeeper, correct? Well, I suppose we have room for one more.”

“Uh, yes! Thank you!” The two who had a physical presence took their seats as Sothis floated about scouting each person’s lunch with some interest. She took notice of Cyril’s lack of a plate and the wandering eyes of others towards him, though kept quiet and let the meeting commence.

“I would like to give my gratitude towards all of you who have decided to take the time of day to be here,” Seteth began. “You are free to eat if you like, but I’d wish to go over some topics we discussed from the last meeting. Now, I know many of you are not of the Officers Academy, but as you are among those who interact with the Houses the most it seemed fitting to invite you nonetheless.”

Gilbert gave a nod as Alois and Catherine perked up at the mention, with the gatekeeper not knowing when to open his mouth. Cyril meanwhile remained quiet, his gaze now focused at the kitchen. Jeritza gave no attention to the entire affair, leaving only those actually who worked with the students to nod to the Archbishop’s right-hand man.

“Alright, first and foremost we must discuss how to better integrate new members into the fold to better secure ourselves in the act of maintaining peace. While there has been an influx of new recruits since the attempted rebellion to the west, the arrival of that accursed Death Knight still has me concerned. As such we must act with both haste yet caution, Manuela.”

The woman simply grumbled to herself over selective memories as Seteth continued onward. “While we can discuss general strategy when Jeralt returns, it must be noted that many who arrived to join the Knights of Seiros have been leaving in mass in less than a day’s time. Now as the need for veteran instructors has been a difficult challenge given the need for members on the field, I ask what has been happening since we delegated this task to all of you?”

The fencing instructor continued to eat his frozen meal, but stopped for a second upon realizing the man was glaring right at him.

“I did nothing more but force those who lack the soul for carnage to leave,” he argued. “It’s most regrettable that they decided to walk away, but if they could not land a single blow then I would argue that they aren’t ready to join.”

He looked to Catherine though she simply raised her hands in the air. “Look, I haven’t even touched any of the new blood personally. Me and Shamir have been out and about dealing with the new influx of bandits nearby. The dastards are multiplying, I swear!”

“Byleth,” he droned to, his gaze being the harshest upon them.

“I hit one on the head.”

“Define hit,” he spat out, Seteth already feeling the daily migraine born from working with the Ashen Demon. If he could see her he would have found that his reaction was the same as Sothis’s, one of complete irritation as the girl continuously groaned to herself over the incident that returned to mind.

Manuela went silent for a moment. “Oh, yeah, there was that poor boy… Nothing major that could cause anything permanent, though I’m not sure why you went with blunted iron for the first bout…”

“Alois, you’re in charge for the next batch, understand?” Alois quietly accepted, though Seteth couldn’t help but notice the small smirk and knew it to be born of nostalgia. “Anyhow…

“Secondly, raising the funding of the monastery’s janitorial affairs. As despite Lady Rhea and myself personally attempting to convince Cyril to take a pay raise, or any actual monetary income for the matter, he seems adamant that we place the coinage in the investment of great amounts of cleaning supplies. Any arguments.”

Both Gilbert and Alois looked at the boy with some faces of concern, though Hanneman and Manuela quickly rallied in favor.

“May I remind all of us what had happened last week with the mice.” Hanneman begun. “The entirety of the dorms were set aflame with those screaming in the middle of the night, and young Claude still has not admitted guilt in spite of him keeping personal records which shows he made a transaction with some lady out in the courtyard.”

Manuela gave a groan of agreement as the memory came into being. “Poor Edelgard was screaming for hours afterwards, and of course that meant Hubert had to come barreling into Claude’s room looking to kill the kid. Oddly, Linhardt was the one out for the most blood though, but Caspar seemed to keep him under control. I’m just glad Ingrid and Leonie had the sense to keep the peace after all was said and done.”

“Speaking of that transaction,” interjected Seteth. “We’ve been hearing complaints about a certain merchant swindling a handful of the guests who arrived during their pilgrimage across the continent. Supposedly she doesn’t possess permission to be on these grounds, so I’d like to ask once more why is it that this Anna woman is still about.”

“She told me she was given license to sell goods,” Byleth answered quickly, causing Seteth to give a sigh knowing full well the identity of who was far from a surprise. The gatekeeper saw the hint of tension in the air and gave a cough to catch everyone’s attention.

“Well, admittedly I may have possibly been a tad bit lenient when it came to allowing certainly not suspicious at first glance people into the monastery, so it’s not the Professor’s fault here. I’ll take responsibility, but I was told myself that she had permission to be here.”

“I see,” said Seteth as he looked outside the open doors before spotting the woman in question trying to sell some sort of trinket to Petra who looked upon the item with glee. Spotting this, the gatekeeper bolted from his seat and ran toward her feeling the man’s gaze upon his back.

“Too bad about your date,” Manuela mused, though Byleth only looked at her with confusion in their eyes. Sothis rolled her eyes at the encounter, but once more took a glance at the small Almyran and saw his eyes were fiercely locked to the kitchen where smoke from the chefs began to emanate in mass.

Catching Byleth’s eye, the head of the Three Houses gave an indication of acknowledgement and looked toward Cyril. “You want me to get you anything? I was getting somewhat hungry myself.”

“Huh!” Cyril spouted out as he was knocked from his daze, and those who had taken notice of his predicament joined in quickly.

“Cyril, you want to raid the kitchen with me then?” Alois smiled at the boy whose age was only superficially greater than his daughter’s. Gilbert said nothing though he himself seemed fixated at the boy also, and suddenly the head of the monastery’s hygiene found himself surrounded by pitying adults.

“I-it’s nothing,” he argued, though Hanneman raised a brow at the accusation, and Manuela simply gave a small smile towards his way.

“Now, Cyril,” Hanneman said upon realizing the lack of food within the kid’s stomach. “It is quite alright for you to admit you’re a bit famished. There’s no shame in admitting one would desire a break, especially given your exceptional track record here at the monastery.”

Catherine slammed her fists upon the table. “Come on, kid. I’ll get us something to eat if you want. You want anything sweet or cold; the sun’s a nightmare today and I wouldn’t mind getting us something to cool down with.”

“Yeah, come on now!” Alois’s smile was awfully distracting and Cyril felt even more uncomfortable by the extroverted knight. “I heard the staff talking about one of the students cooking today; a small thing which I assume is Bernadetta, and she’s a great cook. One of the few things she takes pride in would you know it.”

“I’d like another bowl of this ice.”

All eyes turned to Jeritza who had finished his dessert, and both Byleth and Sothis then realized that said meal was not his first nor second, but instead his fifth. It was as if his own appetite towards sweets was on par with Lysithea’s for a moment.

“Well that settles that, I guess.” Catherine got up from the table, but Cyril quickly gave an exclamation and once more they were taken in by him. Beads of sweat poured down the kid’s face as his eyes darted toward the kitchen, and Gilbert looked upon him with worry.

“What’s the matter?” He placed a hand upon the boy’s shoulder which felt heavy upon impact. “You heard Hanneman; there’s nothing wrong with desiring something for yourself for once. You’ve given your entire life to both Lady Rhea and us who live here.”

“No, it’s not that I want something,” he pleaded nervously. Cyril gave a final sigh before looking at Gilbert directly. “It’s Annette, actually. She’s…”

“Annette,” Gilbert exclaimed, taken aback by her mentioning. “Why? What’s happened to—"

A scream came from the kitchen and Gilbert immediately rushed to the scene, entering what had unknowingly become an inferno with much of the staff bolting out with their clothes singed. The smell of burnt fish was reminiscent of Flayn’s cooking, though nothing she had concocted was as bad as whatever this was.

Gilbert was soon racing out with a soot covered Annette while Mercedes gave a smile as the fires continued to rage. His eyes twitching, Cyril went outside in search for a bucket, pushing past the gatekeeper trying and failing to remove Anna from the premises.

“I thought we banned her from the kitchen!” Seteth screamed before he himself went into action. Alois gawked at the scene while Catherine gave a laugh before both joined the others in combating the flames. The trio of school professors, meanwhile, just looked at each other and shrugged, too used to the antics of their students to even bother.

Not that the other students in the hall would agree, any who still remained fleeing the building in massed groups. Jeritza looked upon the fire before walking away, not toward the pond where the others were gathering water but instead to wherever he felt, believing that the meeting had successfully ended and his presence was therefore void of reason. 

“This academy will be our graves,” noted Sothis as she watched Catherine carry some of the cooks left inside out with ease before the gatekeeper came charging into the fray with two buckets which did minimal damage control. Now a line of the Knights of Seiros had formed to aid in the endeavor as Annette’s greatest culinary masterpiece had finally managed to set fire to the building.

“She’s usually not the greatest, but what in the world could have—”

Manuela’s bewilderment was cut short by another bang coming from within and a frying pan came flying out with enough oil to drown in. Shaking her head at the display, she watched as Marianne managed to put out the flames with frost before the shy girl skirted away from the scene.

“I swear Hanneman, you must be more attentive with your students on these matters. It’s your realm that delves into these sorts of things, correct?”

“What the—” the scholar sputtered angrily at the former songstress. “Are you implying that my research on the Crests can be as barbaric as whatever that was! Sure, some blood must be drawn and occasionally a little spark may set off something here or there, but you’ve most definitely caused more damage to this academy while drunkenly wandering about. May I remind you of the time you set fire to the tree line after that embarrassing charade a few months back?”

“Oh, you have no place talking to me about relationships while you waste away your life by your lonesome with not a soul to embrace you! When’s the last time you even were entertained by the prospect of a lady’s heart, the last century?”

“At least I’m not the one harassing children over matters of the heart which you seem to fail spectacularly at every angle!”

Seeing that the two professors were at their usual spiel, Byleth looked down at the table only to realize they had not a single meal to their name. Then they heard footsteps from behind and saw Leonie looking upon the sight with a grimace, the kitchen now being surrounded by those who had not gotten a meal, namely a rather upset Lysithea and somewhat disappointed Dedue.

“Hey, Professor,” the self-proclaimed apprentice noted, looking upon the burnt wood and dying Seteth. “I’m guessing Annette was here, huh. Well, maybe this is a bad time but you know how I was thinking about horse riding to be more like Captain Jeralt, but you said I should incorporate my archery simultaneously? From talking with Claude I heard in Almyra there are riders known as cataphracts that—”

While she went on with her request Byleth’s eyes looked to something lodged in the girl’s hand and spotted a sweet roll of some sort, and grabbed the girl’s arm much to her surprise. “You know you’re my favorite, right?”

“Huh?” Without warning the two students of Jeralt walked out of the building with Sothis simply done with the entire affair, floating after unconsciously as her area of being was very limited to simply being near her host. As the trio walked out Shamir walked in, exhausted from the trip back to the monastery.

“Hey, apologies for my late arrival but… What in the—”

**Author's Note:**

> Just a small little story I wrote up rather quickly. It was meant to help practice for more humorous scenes, though this may be a tad bit exaggerated for my tastes as you can tell and I'm not sure how well my comedic timing is in writing. Hopefully, the next stories will be more refined, but I had fun nonetheless. Didn't add Jeralt or Tomas in simply because the cast seemed too big for a one-shot, but I have some ideas for them in the future.


End file.
